VMM managing partner Joseph Milizio, head of the LGBTQ Representation practice, is interviewed in Parents magazine about estate planning for LGBTQ and particularly trans families.
The article can be read online here and below.
Estate Planning Tips Every LGBTQ+ Family Needs to Know
Published on April 2, 2025
With a wave of anti-LGBTQ+ and anti-trans legislation sweeping the country, it’s likely if you have a queer child, you’re just as anxious about the future as they are.1
Mapping Attacks on LGBTQ Rights in U.S. State Legislatures in 2025. American Civil Liberties Union. March 14, 2025.
Queer youth are more likely to want to move out of their home state because of anti-queer legislation and bias, and turn to online support more often. But in the end, all kids on the LGBTQ+ spectrum want is to feel safe and supported by those they love.Parents want to protect their children and make sure their future is bright—no matter what the political landscape, but especially in this contentious one. We sat down with experts to find out estate planning tips to help you future-proof for your queer or trans child.
Protecting Your Child’s Gender
Political landscapes are always shifting and changing. Right now, the chosen gender identity of trans and nonbinary youth as reflected on legal documents is in jeopardy.2 So how can parents protect them—especially when their chosen name may be different than the one they were given at birth?
Allison Harrison, founder and principal attorney of ALH Law Group, which specializes in estate planning for the LGBTQ+ community, says the key is to start thinking about your child’s identity early.
“It’s important to know that just because you can’t change your child’s gender identity on their passport, doesn’t mean that you can’t take action. You can still change their legal gender on their birth certificate,” she explains.
Right now, parents have a window, she continues, where, as legal options to protect their queer children narrow, they still can find ways to protect them.
Chosen Names
One of the ways parents can protect their queer children is by changing their name on official documentation. In the event that an LGBTQ+ child was adopted, parents should be sure to include them explicitly and by name in their estate plan.
Joseph Milizio, partner at Vishnick McGovern Milizio LLP and head of the law firm’s LGBTQ+ Representation practice, says that schools aren’t always compelled to use a child’s chosen name—or might be prohibited from doing so. This worry goes away if a child’s legal documents reflect their chosen name.
“Queer and transgender children should not rely on their preferred name, which schools and other public institutions may refuse or be prohibited from using. Instead, they should file a petition with a local court to legally change their name,” he explains.
Recognition of Same-Sex Partners
Protecting our children isn’t only about recognizing their identity under the law. It also has to do with maintaining a safe family environment. Because same-sex partners sometimes may not share a full biological relationship with their child, Milizio explains, the onus is on parents to strengthen the presumption of parentage.
“If one partner is biologically related and the partners are married, there is a presumption that the child is both of theirs and both will be named as parents on the child’s birth certificate. However, the presumption of parentage is just that—a presumption. It could be overturned or not recognized in another state or country,” he adds.
Same-sex partnerships sometimes run into issues during medical emergencies, where one parent is in the hospital and the other isn’t allowed to make choices for their well-being.3 Here’s how to manage these potentially challenging situations.
Second Parent Adoption
Unfortunately, parental rights aren’t a given, even if you’re legally married. In a situation where a partner might be in the hospital for a long period or passes away, it’s important to make sure your children are protected.
While you can change your last name to reflect your spouse’s, it doesn’t immediately confer legal parentage. There’s a process called ‘second parent adoption,’ which, according to GLAD Law's Legal Advocates and Defenders, is defined as when one partner adopts the other partner’s child.4
Both parents have to be listed on a birth certificate in order for both to have parental rights, which can only be done through a second parent adoption, explains Milizio.
“I currently recommend to our same-sex parents that they seek a second parent adoption, even if they are married and both names appear on the child’s birth certificate,” he says.
Decisions in Medical Emergencies
Harrison says that the easiest way to ensure same-sex partnership recognition during a medical emergency is to design an estate plan and living will that reference both parents by name.
A living will is a document that lists who in your family receives resources or allows access and control if there’s a medical event in which you are incapacitated. According to the National Institute on Aging, they cover medical proxies if you are ever incapacitated during a medical emergency.5
Naming a second parent explicitly offers another layer of protection if you ever need to intervene in case of an emergency.
“Instead of referencing gendered pronouns (she/her, he/him), only use names. For example, you can say, ‘This person is my spouse and shall continue to be my spouse,’” advises Harrison.
Visitation Rights
It’s also important to add your spouse to your living will by name for visitation rights in a hospital. This is especially important if you’re receiving care from a hospital with religious affiliation.
“You’d be surprised that many private hospitals are owned by religious organizations. You can be legally married but refused entry to your spouse’s hospital room because of freedom of religion. If you have it in your estate plan, you can show your legal document, which makes it harder for them to refuse you at the door,” Harrison adds.
Planning for this possibility also ensures that children can visit their parent in the hospital.
Understanding Local Laws
Much of what parents can do with regard to name and gender change is tied to local legislation. It’s vital to find local law firms who are educated in such manners—but parents might be surprised to find that a database of advocates for LGBTQ+ children doesn’t exist.
“Reach out to organizations like your local PFLAG—they often have lists of attorneys who are active in this sector of law,” Harrison adds.
Having an attorney that you can reach out to in case of any legislative changes is important—especially if you live in a state becoming hostile to LGBTQ+ identity or same-sex marriage. And while the issues are nuanced and seem to vary by the week, an attorney versed in LGBTQ+ issues can help you navigate.
Planning for Kids Turning 18-Years-Old
When LGBTQ+ kids reach the age of majority, parental protections expire, Harrison says. So it’s important to speak to them about name and gender marker changes beforehand. And while parents need to have a plan, 16 and 17-year-olds also need to think about the future.
According to Legal Zoom, only about 33% of people in the United States have an estate plan. Harrison says that in her experience, that number is even lower for the LGBTQ+ population.6
“18-year-olds need to be thoughtful. This is an important step for queer kiddos,” Harrison explains. “Parents should be having conversations with their kids about turning 18.”
A good place for older LGBTQ+ kids to start is by reading the resources in their local PFLAG chapter with their parents, and to browse through LAMBDA Legal.
In the face of shifting legislative environments, it’s easy to get overwhelmed, says Harrison. But taking control is doable—and vital.
“Don’t shut down and think you can’t do anything. You can,” Harrison states.
